Strange things in Japan Part II

As you may recall in our last episode of Strange things in Japan I talked about small dogs in diapers. In this version we'll stick with the small but change mammals.

Young Japanese children are mad cute. While calling anyone or anything cute goes against all tenants of being a a macho professional athlete (Yeah I said macho, wanna fight about it?), I have no reservations about calling Japanese kids cute. Much cuter than American kids.*

Of course Japanese children get a head start on American children in cuteness due to their relatively small size. Their small stature is highlighted by their cute little eyes.

So Japanese children do have the genetic advantage. You are probably (well...probably not) saying to yourself, "Yeah well American kids have the cultural advantage!" This too is untrue. Due to the typical American diet (McDonalds, fried foods etc) American children are much more likely to be little fatties. This does not enhance their cuteness. I will not argue this, just because some little kid has 6 elbows doesn't mean he's cute. It means he's at risk for heart failure. Put your kid on a treadmill, seriously (not really. But maybe less McDonalds).

The second part of the cultural advantage comes in behavior. American and Japanese behavior are inherently antithetical, at every stage in human life. Where Americans are taught individualism and to work hard for themselves, Japanese are taught to respect their elders and subjugate their personal desires for the sake of their family/team/group. Americans are taught from a young age to show confidence because confidence is important to self-reliance. Japanese who display confidence are looked down upon as being cocky and out-of-line. (Edit: I don't mean to say Japanese don't have confidence, just that they don't openly display it like Americans.)

While neither way of teaching is superior, one thing is certain. At the young stages of behavioral development Japanese children are much more affable. They are very respectful and not loud. American children are quite the opposite; Obnoxious and always on the prowl for some cockroaches to eat.**

The third and final arena where Japanese children dominate American children is fashion. They look so cute in their ridiculous little outfits. If I saw a small Japanese child in a ninja, sumo or samurai costume I think I'd lose it. I haven't been so fortunate yet, but I remain hopeful. Even without these costumes Japanese children play the Luis Vuitton to American children's Wal-Mart.



*I'm dealing in huge generalities here. Of course there are cute American kids, and uncute (what's the word for this...insubordinate, beastly, aggravating??) Japanese kids. My argument can best be summed up as the average Japanese child (years 0-4) is cuter than the average American child.

**I don't mean to suggest that every American child eats cockroaches. But one of my parents two children did, so using my family as evidence, approximately 50% of American children snack on cockroaches.


For the few of you who remain unconvinced by my words, I offer a photo-essay:










I win.